Sometimes I find myself in a place where I don’t want to be. I expect so much from myself and to be perfect at everything. However, it doesn’t go that way most of the time. Thus, it puts me in a dark place where I over analyze everything I do and just sometimes wish my whole life was different. I find myself wishing I had all these things and could do what I want when I want. But, bills don’t stop coming.. You have to get to a point in your life where you have nothing to have no bills. Then you find yourself chasing this balance that doesn’t really exist anywhere else but in your head. When you work in IT you deal with tremendous amounts of stress as well. This just piles up on top of everything else. Not to mention when there are people in your life that are making your life decisions super hard to do. Not that they are not supportive but don’t see your vision and then you find yourself wondering if you are the crazy one thinking is this ever going to work or pan out for anything more then a super tough grind. Sucks when I am streaming with only 1 or 2 viewers. It’s even worse though with zero. This does happen. I think thats why live streaming is so much more difficult than actually making videos for YouTube. I have this vision of the kind of content I want to make but I just don’t have the means to do so. Then I find myself fighting for that creative string I know I have in me. I am always trying to do a million things and it’s difficult. But I keep telling myself it will work out. Everything will be worth it in the end. Yeah I have 1 to 2 viewers live streaming but some of these videos have thousands of views. I need to focus on that.. what needs to be done to keep that growing like it should. Create a plan and motivate myself again to get it going right. Life sucks sometimes and you will fall on your face more than once. But you have to get up and keep pushing. This is what I keep telling myself every day. Also, keep focus on the positive things: I have people that I can play with, I have people that use MY discord for games. I created this community of gaming without even really trying. Yeah this community is super small right now but it keeps growing in the right direction.

Just keep pushing more and more.. DONT give up! DONT stop making content. DONT listen to what other negative people have to say and INGORE the comments.

Sometimes you wonder what you want to do with your life. Especially when you are younger and unsure. As you get older you wonder did you make the right decisions? Are you on the path your supposed to be on? Have you strayed from what’s important to YOU? These are things that I wonder all the time. Trying to measure success by monetary value. But as I have gotten older I’ve learned that what I really want is comfort in being able to do what I what when I want. It’s not about the money but it is. You have to pay bills in this society, bills that last forever. Well, I’ve made a plan so many times but have yet to be able to execute it through. I know what I need to do but struggle getting it done. I like writing but I also like gaming and most importantly doing things with my family. I have finally got a good stride on streaming and playing warzone with my friends online over at twitch.tv. But, I want to do so much more. Twitch.tv could get me what I want hit it would take a tremendous amount of work. It’s already cost me a small fortune to get it right. And the ROI is combined with luck. Every rich person I know tells me there is luck involved. Some people call it fait but others know it’s just luck. It’s luck that put you where you needed to be to find that person. It’s luck that make you a likable person. It’s luck that gave you the knowledge to do whatever skill you are good at. It’s determination to strive to find that good thing and work on it. It’s determination to keep you driving to find that thing that will enlighten you on your path.

Sometimes I find myself wondering is this what I’m supposed to do. I want to know if I can do something more fun. Go back to riding bmx or even mountain bikes or riding snowboards, or is that time past me. Not because I’m older but because I’m not physically able to for medical reasons. When I start to think of that I think of a friend I grew up with whom was disabled medically. We had him ride bikes with us and even carry the cooler on lake trips even though he could barely walk. I think of him and other friends who are worse off then I am sometimes and remember it could always be worse. Reminding myself that I am where I am supposed to be at this time in my life’s journey. And remember to live day by day and just be greatful you are still alive on this planet with friends and family. Things get better all the time even if it gets worse first. So if you are reading this I hope it helps you as well. Just keep moving forward and things are going to be better.

Sometimes I find my self trying to sleep.. Trying to stop thinking.. Trying to not pick up my phone and search on social media or Google something or even look at what the next move for me is. I do this from time to time and wish it would just stop. But then I feel like there’s a reason the universe is making me not sleep. Like a specific purpose that I’m supposed to fullfil. Not sure this is what I should be doing at 4am on Sunday morning with no sleep from the previous day. But here I am and here you are reading this. Sometimes I feel like I have the world and sometimes I feel like I need or want so muchmore. I am reminded nightly that I should get some sleep by my lovely wife and she’s absolutely right. But I want to fiddle with my phone and look at something or be productive. I can’t just rest even though I know it’s what I should be doing. I am always chasing success or monitory wealth. But sometimes you just need to get away from it all and relax and take in what you have. You don’t need that fancy car or that huge house. It’s all unnecessary expenses you can do with out. I understand right now everyone wants this since we are locked down. But imagine if you had a smaller house. Imagine you would be able to afford 2 of them or even 3. But each in a different part of the world. Then you would have somewhere to go and be safe because it’s your space in different parts of the world. Living with less doesn’t mean less as a whole. It means you can do so much more. You can afford to take that vacation of your dreams. Live like a king once a year because you can afford it. Living like royalty once a year is better then not living like one forever. One thing I’ve learned as I have grown and become more successful is that the more money you have the more you spend so it doesn’t matter if you make all the money in the world, you can experience the same things since we all live on the same rock.

This was not proof read and written from my phone.. 😎